Another day, another ramble.
Today, I had a math test. I wasn't very worried about it, because I'd been doing well on all the homework (and I'd actually remembered to do the homework, which is good!). I finished it really quickly, which is somewhat typical for me, as I tend to be a fast test taker, but it was faster than I expected for a math test. I'm not totally sure how well I did, but I actually feel pretty hopeful that I did quite well.
I've been doing pretty well in German, and those classes tend to be fun, just because there are some cool people. I haven't done as well as I would like on the tests, but I don't think that'll be a problem in the long run.
In Intro to Religion, we finally finished this movie called "The Mission, from the 80's, which was actually quite good. I'm a little confused in general about the class itself, but I know I have a good grade in it.
One thing I've been thinking about recently is how I don't really make friends very easily. I think it's mostly because I get shy and nervous and don't really like talking to people I don't know well. Most of the people I've become friends with in the last year or two are pretty outgoing people who have been willing to push me a little, and force me out of my comfort zone. Eventually, they are no longer strangers, and at that point, it's all good.
I think that sometimes, I probably tend to have body language that drives people away to some extent. A lot of the friends I've had forever tend to be quiet, mild people, but the new friends I have tend to be much more outgoing. No particular thoughts here, just rambling observations.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Monday, October 26, 2015
WWU Fall Welcome
Last weekend, my mom and I went to Western for their "Fall Welcome," which is an event for prospective students to learn about different aspects of the University.
We got there at about 10:45, and went to a very short welcome session, where they basically just told us what the schedule was and then sent us on our way. After that, we went to an info session about their travel abroad programs, which was interesting, but didn't really have much new information in it.
A bunch of the dorms had open room that you could go visit, so we went to see a few. I have seen a lot of dorm rooms in the last year, and honestly, they are all kind of the same. The one thing that was surprising at Western was the difference between some of the buildings. Some seemed much nicer than others.
We wandered around the library a bit. I love college libraries, and this was no exception. There were some awesome rooms and stuff there. Unfortunately, I forgot to get any pictures of anything we did while we were there. We also talked briefly with an admissions counselor about transcripts (how to make them) and classes I've taken at WCC (if they'll transfer). Of course, as soon as we got home, I remembered a few other questions I should have asked. Whenever they ask "Are there any other questions I can answer for you," my mind goes totally blank and I can't think of anything.
There was a second information session we went to about Financial Aid. I've done enough of this college fair stuff now that I feel like I know quite a bit about how this stuff works, but there was some stuff in that talk that I hadn't thought about before. When that was over, we headed home.
In general, I was a little disappointed with the event. The main thing I wanted to do there was talk to someone from the English department, but they didn't have anyone available to talk to.
Despite how underwhelming the event itself was, WWU still is my favorite choice right now. That doesn't mean I'll definitely go there, but it has a lot of stuff going for it. Maybe I'll write another post more in depth about that later...
We got there at about 10:45, and went to a very short welcome session, where they basically just told us what the schedule was and then sent us on our way. After that, we went to an info session about their travel abroad programs, which was interesting, but didn't really have much new information in it.
A bunch of the dorms had open room that you could go visit, so we went to see a few. I have seen a lot of dorm rooms in the last year, and honestly, they are all kind of the same. The one thing that was surprising at Western was the difference between some of the buildings. Some seemed much nicer than others.
We wandered around the library a bit. I love college libraries, and this was no exception. There were some awesome rooms and stuff there. Unfortunately, I forgot to get any pictures of anything we did while we were there. We also talked briefly with an admissions counselor about transcripts (how to make them) and classes I've taken at WCC (if they'll transfer). Of course, as soon as we got home, I remembered a few other questions I should have asked. Whenever they ask "Are there any other questions I can answer for you," my mind goes totally blank and I can't think of anything.
There was a second information session we went to about Financial Aid. I've done enough of this college fair stuff now that I feel like I know quite a bit about how this stuff works, but there was some stuff in that talk that I hadn't thought about before. When that was over, we headed home.
In general, I was a little disappointed with the event. The main thing I wanted to do there was talk to someone from the English department, but they didn't have anyone available to talk to.
Despite how underwhelming the event itself was, WWU still is my favorite choice right now. That doesn't mean I'll definitely go there, but it has a lot of stuff going for it. Maybe I'll write another post more in depth about that later...
Friday, October 23, 2015
Classes
This quarter feels like it just started, and already it's time to register for winter classes! Today, I went in to see the high school counselor so that she could sign my registration form. Next Wednesday is my registration date, so I just need to decide what I'm going to take before then.
I know I'll be taking Precalc I (my last math class!), and German II, but I have one other spot in which to put an elective. That's where I'm getting conflicted. I've narrowed it down to either a Sci-fi/Fantasy lit class, or a Children's Lit class. Both sound awesome, so I'm not sure which I'll go with yet.
In the spring, I'll be taking Chemistry, and World Civ III, plus an elective. I think I'm probably going to take an English class about Sir Arthur Canon Doyle (cause why the heck not??), but that could change if something else comes up before then.
My classes this quarter have been going well so far. Math is going way better than I had expected, though I'll be glad when it's over. My Intro to Religion class is kind of weird, and while it's super easy (which is great), the teacher kind of rubs me the wrong way sometimes. I do find the topics interesting, but it's definitely my least favorite class at the moment. German is surprisingly fun. It's pretty easy for the most part, though I know I'll need to start working harder as we get out of super easy stuff. There are some pretty cool people in that class, which makes it really fun.
I've also started working at the Writing Center at WCC this quarter. I was pretty nervous about starting there, but I've started getting the hang of it, and I do enjoy working with people on their writing. I'm "on-call" for ESLA (English as a Second Language Academic) students, who need help with their grammar, and I've been learning a ton doing that. All my co-workers at the WC are really nice, and always have really interesting conversations during downtime (which there is quite a bit of some days).
I've been working on my college applications. For the most part, they are going pretty well. The applications themselves are done, and now I'm just working on essays. I am feeling pretty good about the personal statement I've been working on, but some of the questions the schools ask are hard.
I may yet do NaNoWriMo. I have decided that if I can finish my college apps before Nov. 1st, then I can do NaNo. I think it's doable, and I'm really excited. The idea I'm currently thinking I'll go with involves a collection of shorter narratives that all have a common theme. Characters are the part of writing fiction that I really like, so I want the stories to almost be more like extended character sketches. It bends the rules of NaNoWriMo a bit, but that's kind of the point.
There's a recap of what's in my brain today.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Monday October 19, 2015
1. Got up at 6:30 and got ready to go.
2. Waited for the bus, then rode it into campus in time for math class.
3. After math (the topic was combining functions), I ate some breakfast (my left over Chipotle from last night) and hung out with Lydia for a bit.
4. Went to Philisophy and watched a video about how Native American tribes traditionally percieve gender and sexuality in relation to LGBTQ people, which was actually quite interesting.
5. Headed straight to German, which was somewhat boring, but having interesting classmates makes it fun. German has some pretty cool people in it, though somehow I keep having to do partner work with the least motivated, most boring people in the class. Oh well.
6. After German, I hung out with all my various WCC friends for a while. After most of them scattered to their respective classes, Lydia and I (and HW for some of it) talked about boys. Cause that's what we do. ;)
7. I took the bus downtown to volunteer at the library, then hung around for a while waiting for my ride to dance (and gelato).
8. Gelato flavors of the week: Caramel apple and red velvet.
9. Dance class was good, though very small. Three of us for the first class, two of us for the second.
10. Came home and ate dinner. Read Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, and went to bed.
2. Waited for the bus, then rode it into campus in time for math class.
 |
| A selfie while waiting for the bus. I rarely take selfies ever, much less in public spaces, but it was 7:30am and no one else was around. Plus, as friends on facebook pointed out, there are fish swimming into my ear! |
4. Went to Philisophy and watched a video about how Native American tribes traditionally percieve gender and sexuality in relation to LGBTQ people, which was actually quite interesting.
5. Headed straight to German, which was somewhat boring, but having interesting classmates makes it fun. German has some pretty cool people in it, though somehow I keep having to do partner work with the least motivated, most boring people in the class. Oh well.
6. After German, I hung out with all my various WCC friends for a while. After most of them scattered to their respective classes, Lydia and I (and HW for some of it) talked about boys. Cause that's what we do. ;)
7. I took the bus downtown to volunteer at the library, then hung around for a while waiting for my ride to dance (and gelato).
8. Gelato flavors of the week: Caramel apple and red velvet.
9. Dance class was good, though very small. Three of us for the first class, two of us for the second.
10. Came home and ate dinner. Read Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, and went to bed.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Friday October 16, 2015 {The Martian}
I've been pretty bad at posting regularly since school started, so I'm going to try to get back into writing journal posts as much as possible. Because there so many gaps of time where I haven't posted, there will probably be some context missing for what I'm up to. I'll try to add what I feel are apprpriate explainations when possible, but sometimes I'll just let it slide.
1. Mom wasn't carpooling this morning, so we didn't have to leave as early as usual. I got up and ready, and then she dropped me off at the bus. I rode in to school, and arrived at about 8:15.
2. Math was fine. We're in a unit on functions that is honestly kind of boring. It also includes a lot of graphing (or at least, it soon will), which I'm not fond of. On the whole though, I'm actually kind of like this math class. I like my teacher a lot, at least.
3. I hung out in Syre for a while with Lydia while eating some breakfast, then headed to Philosophy.
4. In Philosophy, we watched a ted talk by Helen Fisher called "The Brain in Love," which led to some interesting discussion. I can't decide how I feel about this class. I both enjoy how informal and just generally strange it is, but those same things can be a bit infuriating at times.
5. Immediately after that class was over, I had German. That class is super strange in that people regularly sit in different places. Probably half the class (including me) always sit in the same spot, but the other people are all over the place. The spot next to me is oddly in demand. I've had a number of different people sit there. There is one guy who sits there most of the time, and who I usually pair up with for partner exercises, but if he gets there late, someone else always takes that spot.
6. I hung out for a while on campus after class, and while I was sitting in Syre, Ben, my German instructor, walked by and started quizzing me, and wouldn't leave until I had properly told him that yes, the sun was shining, and yes, the sky was blue.
7. I took the bus back to Barkley, where Gloria picked me up and brought me home.
8. We had dinner (and a guy was there fixing my bedroom wall), and when all that was done, we went to watch The Martian.
9. I've read the book, and I think the movie was as good as the book. I wouldn't say it was better for all sorts of reasons that I'll write a blog post about if I have time, but it was pretty great.
10. Read Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs, then went to bed.
1. Mom wasn't carpooling this morning, so we didn't have to leave as early as usual. I got up and ready, and then she dropped me off at the bus. I rode in to school, and arrived at about 8:15.
2. Math was fine. We're in a unit on functions that is honestly kind of boring. It also includes a lot of graphing (or at least, it soon will), which I'm not fond of. On the whole though, I'm actually kind of like this math class. I like my teacher a lot, at least.
3. I hung out in Syre for a while with Lydia while eating some breakfast, then headed to Philosophy.
4. In Philosophy, we watched a ted talk by Helen Fisher called "The Brain in Love," which led to some interesting discussion. I can't decide how I feel about this class. I both enjoy how informal and just generally strange it is, but those same things can be a bit infuriating at times.
5. Immediately after that class was over, I had German. That class is super strange in that people regularly sit in different places. Probably half the class (including me) always sit in the same spot, but the other people are all over the place. The spot next to me is oddly in demand. I've had a number of different people sit there. There is one guy who sits there most of the time, and who I usually pair up with for partner exercises, but if he gets there late, someone else always takes that spot.
6. I hung out for a while on campus after class, and while I was sitting in Syre, Ben, my German instructor, walked by and started quizzing me, and wouldn't leave until I had properly told him that yes, the sun was shining, and yes, the sky was blue.
7. I took the bus back to Barkley, where Gloria picked me up and brought me home.
8. We had dinner (and a guy was there fixing my bedroom wall), and when all that was done, we went to watch The Martian.
9. I've read the book, and I think the movie was as good as the book. I wouldn't say it was better for all sorts of reasons that I'll write a blog post about if I have time, but it was pretty great.
10. Read Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs, then went to bed.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Struggles
I'm sure I've said this before on this blog, and I'm sure I'll say it again some time. This is a public venue. What I choose to publish here is visible to the world, and I'm aware of that. Because of that, the life that is represented on this blog isn't a full representation of who I am. And anyone reading this is probably aware of that. I don't think anyone really expects me to bare my soul on here every day.
With that said, I do a lot of writing that I never publish on the internet, or submit to a teacher. When I'm worried, or sad, or just having a bad day, I write about it. I'm a pretty wordy person. That's what I do. Sometimes, I go back and read some of the things I've written and think, "Wow, somewhere in here, there's a great blog post." Usually, that blog post is buried under personal stories and names, and other details that aren't appropriate for such a public space. But in there somewhere is an idea that is worth writing about, and worth expressing to the world.
And that brings me to what I want to talk about today. I haven't been doing much writing on paper, or on a keyboard lately, but I've been writing in my head (which I do sometimes when I can't actually write), and I have some ideas that keep coming up.
It all boils down to a collection of words for me. Right now, those words that sum up what I'm feeling are "loss," "uncertainty," "hope," "fear," and "choices." Here are a collection of my thoughts about those words. It's a tad incoherent, but it gives some insight into my psyche.
Loss. Why loss? Lately, I've gone through some experiences that make me feel like I'm losing some things from my life. A person who is instrumental in my life has moved away, and that's been hard. Being the word oriented person I am, I wrote her a letter that I gave her before she left. It started out as a quick note to attach to some chocolates, but it ended up being over a page and a half long. Why did I write that? Because it was important to me that she knew how much I appreciated her, and how influential she had been in my life. Because I needed the closer that writing it provided.
Uncertainty. I am constantly uncertain about how people see me. I think that I am relatively bad at portraying emotions, and I often worry that others don't really see how I feel. I worry that the people I love don't really see that I care about them. The uncertainty about where I stand is hard. That's another reason that I wrote that letter. I wanted to make sure she knew that she is important to me, and is a person I care a lot. I can't necessarily say those things easily, but I can write them.
Hope. Uncertainty takes other forms too. I'm also uncertain about much of my future. I just don't know what's going to happen. But I do have hope. That hope is hard to find some days, but it's there. I know that there are a lot of good things that can happen. Hope is also something I need more of. I need to be more hopeful, because it's really true that there are lots of good things that are yet to be discovered. I have moments when a friend texts me a random thought which clearly says that they have been thinking about me. That gives me hope that I'm not terrible at relationships.
Fear. Fear is the flipside of hope. I hope good things will happen, but I fear that they won't. When I don't know if people realize I care about them, will they still stick with me? Where will I be living in a year? Will I be happy? What if I can't fix all the problems I have? What if I can't keep up with all my classes? Uncertainty leads to fear.
Choices. In the end, there is always a choice. People have been telling me that for years, and I've spent plenty of time arguing against it. "Yeah, sure, I can choose not to be so worked up about this, but did you hear what he said?!" "Okay, whatever, so I can choose not to spend time thinking about this, but what will happen if I don't figure out what to do??" Those are still hard for me. I'm not good at choosing happiness. I'm not good at letting go of things.
But in the end, choice is often the difference between fear and hope. I may still be fearful, but by choosing to wallow in the fear, it's possible to close doors that lead to a more hopeful outcome. I want to be ready to choose hope when it comes knocking. I don't want uncertainty to force me to choose fear because it's familiar. Sometimes loss happens either way, and that's the way life is.
Right now, loss is at the top of my mind. And I'm choosing to be sad, because I need to be. Honestly, I'm not very good at letting myself be sad, but I'm choosing to allow it to happen. But in the long run, I'm trying to convert uncertainty to hope, while still recognizing that fear has it's place.
With that said, I do a lot of writing that I never publish on the internet, or submit to a teacher. When I'm worried, or sad, or just having a bad day, I write about it. I'm a pretty wordy person. That's what I do. Sometimes, I go back and read some of the things I've written and think, "Wow, somewhere in here, there's a great blog post." Usually, that blog post is buried under personal stories and names, and other details that aren't appropriate for such a public space. But in there somewhere is an idea that is worth writing about, and worth expressing to the world.
And that brings me to what I want to talk about today. I haven't been doing much writing on paper, or on a keyboard lately, but I've been writing in my head (which I do sometimes when I can't actually write), and I have some ideas that keep coming up.
It all boils down to a collection of words for me. Right now, those words that sum up what I'm feeling are "loss," "uncertainty," "hope," "fear," and "choices." Here are a collection of my thoughts about those words. It's a tad incoherent, but it gives some insight into my psyche.
Loss. Why loss? Lately, I've gone through some experiences that make me feel like I'm losing some things from my life. A person who is instrumental in my life has moved away, and that's been hard. Being the word oriented person I am, I wrote her a letter that I gave her before she left. It started out as a quick note to attach to some chocolates, but it ended up being over a page and a half long. Why did I write that? Because it was important to me that she knew how much I appreciated her, and how influential she had been in my life. Because I needed the closer that writing it provided.
Uncertainty. I am constantly uncertain about how people see me. I think that I am relatively bad at portraying emotions, and I often worry that others don't really see how I feel. I worry that the people I love don't really see that I care about them. The uncertainty about where I stand is hard. That's another reason that I wrote that letter. I wanted to make sure she knew that she is important to me, and is a person I care a lot. I can't necessarily say those things easily, but I can write them.
Hope. Uncertainty takes other forms too. I'm also uncertain about much of my future. I just don't know what's going to happen. But I do have hope. That hope is hard to find some days, but it's there. I know that there are a lot of good things that can happen. Hope is also something I need more of. I need to be more hopeful, because it's really true that there are lots of good things that are yet to be discovered. I have moments when a friend texts me a random thought which clearly says that they have been thinking about me. That gives me hope that I'm not terrible at relationships.
Fear. Fear is the flipside of hope. I hope good things will happen, but I fear that they won't. When I don't know if people realize I care about them, will they still stick with me? Where will I be living in a year? Will I be happy? What if I can't fix all the problems I have? What if I can't keep up with all my classes? Uncertainty leads to fear.
Choices. In the end, there is always a choice. People have been telling me that for years, and I've spent plenty of time arguing against it. "Yeah, sure, I can choose not to be so worked up about this, but did you hear what he said?!" "Okay, whatever, so I can choose not to spend time thinking about this, but what will happen if I don't figure out what to do??" Those are still hard for me. I'm not good at choosing happiness. I'm not good at letting go of things.
But in the end, choice is often the difference between fear and hope. I may still be fearful, but by choosing to wallow in the fear, it's possible to close doors that lead to a more hopeful outcome. I want to be ready to choose hope when it comes knocking. I don't want uncertainty to force me to choose fear because it's familiar. Sometimes loss happens either way, and that's the way life is.
Right now, loss is at the top of my mind. And I'm choosing to be sad, because I need to be. Honestly, I'm not very good at letting myself be sad, but I'm choosing to allow it to happen. But in the long run, I'm trying to convert uncertainty to hope, while still recognizing that fear has it's place.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
One Week In
Well, we're one week into school, and I'm a lot happier about it than I thought I'd be.
I wasn't really looking forward to this year. I'm taking Math and German, two classes I wasn't excited about. I knew college applications would have to take up a lot of my time. I knew from experience that 8:30 classes aren't a lot of fun.
But then school started this week and a couple of things happened. I realized that if I took showers at night, I could get up a full twenty to thirty minutes later in the morning. That may not sound like a lot, but 6:00 and 6:30 are a world apart.
I went to my first few Math classes (I'm in Math 99, which is the second quarter of Algebra II), and discovered that not only do I really like my teacher, I also know a lot of the material already. I have also discovered the joy of 50 minute classes. Last year, I had all 90 minute or 2 hour classes, and those one hour classes are awesome. They feel so short!
I discovered that my Philosphy class has very little homework, and much of the grade is based on a few papers. Not just that, but the papers aren't graded on whether you mentioned certain facts, or got certain things correct, but instead on the process, writing quality, and thoughtfullness. It is Philisophy, after all. I am feeling like this will be an easy A for me. Not just an easy A, but a fun one too.
I'm still nervous about German, but the teacher's pretty cool, and there are a couple of guys sitting by me who are really nice as well.
I spent a lot of time hanging out with friends, both those who I know from outside WCC who are going there this year, and those who I know from school last year. I like that I can be on campus most of the day and see ten or twelve people I know. With some, I might just wave and continue on, with others, I'll stop and chat for a few minutes, and some I spent hours hanging out with between classes.
I'm still nervous about this year, but school isn't as big of a worry anymore. I think school will end up being a stable factor, a place where I'm comfortable. Homework causes stress, but it's totally manageable.
For the first time, I'm really looking forward to this school year.
I wasn't really looking forward to this year. I'm taking Math and German, two classes I wasn't excited about. I knew college applications would have to take up a lot of my time. I knew from experience that 8:30 classes aren't a lot of fun.
But then school started this week and a couple of things happened. I realized that if I took showers at night, I could get up a full twenty to thirty minutes later in the morning. That may not sound like a lot, but 6:00 and 6:30 are a world apart.
I went to my first few Math classes (I'm in Math 99, which is the second quarter of Algebra II), and discovered that not only do I really like my teacher, I also know a lot of the material already. I have also discovered the joy of 50 minute classes. Last year, I had all 90 minute or 2 hour classes, and those one hour classes are awesome. They feel so short!
I discovered that my Philosphy class has very little homework, and much of the grade is based on a few papers. Not just that, but the papers aren't graded on whether you mentioned certain facts, or got certain things correct, but instead on the process, writing quality, and thoughtfullness. It is Philisophy, after all. I am feeling like this will be an easy A for me. Not just an easy A, but a fun one too.
I'm still nervous about German, but the teacher's pretty cool, and there are a couple of guys sitting by me who are really nice as well.
I spent a lot of time hanging out with friends, both those who I know from outside WCC who are going there this year, and those who I know from school last year. I like that I can be on campus most of the day and see ten or twelve people I know. With some, I might just wave and continue on, with others, I'll stop and chat for a few minutes, and some I spent hours hanging out with between classes.
I'm still nervous about this year, but school isn't as big of a worry anymore. I think school will end up being a stable factor, a place where I'm comfortable. Homework causes stress, but it's totally manageable.
For the first time, I'm really looking forward to this school year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)