April 16th

Today is April 16th. It's the day of the semi-colon project, a day to be aware of our struggles, and commit ourselves to fighting on.

For me, it also represents a day of much personal importance. On April 16, 2010, my family moved out of my childhood home. That day was very painful for me, and later on, I labeled it as the day that "everything changed." From that point on, my parent's divorce led to more life changes, and my relationships with my parents changed drastically. My relationship with my father became a great source of pain and worry for me. I entered a time in my life where I was extremely depressed. For a period of two or three years, my grades in school dropped, my interest in social activities and other things I used to enjoy drastically diminished, and I spent a lot of time very anxious and very depressed, with no interest in involving myself with treatment of any kind.

Over time, this has gotten better, and right now my mental health is the best it's been since 2010. There are a lot of reasons for this, but among them: my relationship with my dad has improved greatly over the years, I have a large group of close friends I see regularly, I feel good about my plans for the future, I am in a stable and healthy romantic relationship, and I have been taking an antidepressant.

Throughout all this time, I have always held April 16th as kind of a day of mourning. It marked the anniversary not of the day that things started going downhill (that was several months prior), but it marked the point of no return. It's kind of a symbolic date more than anything. I decided, back in 2010, that it wasn't worthwhile focusing on the past. What's done is done. So I decided that the only day that I would allow myself to truly mope and be sad and feel sorry for myself, and cry about the past, was April 16th.

And as the years have gone by, it has still been a day, in a way, of mourning for the past, and recognition of the intense personal struggles I went through in the years following.

Today is April 16th. And I didn't even realize it until this evening. I spent the day with people I love, and I came home thinking that this was the happiest I could remember being in a very long time. I spent the day relaxing, free from worry, laughing, eating, being close to people I care about, and having a wonderful time. It wasn't until I got home that I even remembered what day it is.

To me, this really symbolizes the transformation my life has gone through over the past year or so. A day that would have been a day of sadness and melancholy a year or two ago was one of the best days I can remember having in years. I certainly don't want to forget my past or the struggles I've had, but life is moving forward. And it's wonderful.

March 31, 2016 {Spring break, Beach, and Heatstroke}

Well, as usual, it's been ages since I posted.  While I would love to say that this is the beginning of me posting more regularly again, I can't promise it. But I will try.

Right now, I'm on spring break, though it's almost over. The next quarter starts up on Tuesday of next week. I finished out last quarter with a B+ in German, an A- in Precalc, and an A in Children's Literature. It broke my 4.0 GPA, which I was a little sad about, but I'm not unhappy with the grades I got. Next quarter, I'm taking a Chemistry class, a World History (1750-today) class, and a British literature class about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Yesterday, my mom and Isabelle and my boyfriend Damian and I went to the beach with the homeschool Usual Suspects. It was fun to get to see people, and it was a beautiful day out at Larrabee State Park. Damian and I headed downtown for the rest of the day and continued to enjoy the beautiful weather.

I unfortunately, enjoyed it a little too much, and ended up very heat stroked. I have very fair skin and light eyes, and if I don't wear sunglasses and drink water, I do have a tendency to get heat stroke. I was very tired and felt feverish, and when we were on the bus, I was getting really nauseous and carsick, which is not an issue I usually have. It was a good reminder to me that I have to be way more careful in the sun. Even in March, on the first super nice day of the year, I still have to be careful. It was a super beautiful day, and I did have a good time.

At one point, I was sitting at the bus station, which was deserted except for these two homeless guys and a few WTA employees, and sort of crying because the sunlight and noise were making my head hurt really bad and because when I feel bad physically, all emotional stability goes out the window. I wanted to get up and move to somewhere without people until my mom could come to get me, but I was afraid that I was going to either throw up or pass out if I moved, so I stayed where I was. I have to wonder, what did the people around there think? I'm just another crazy college student :P 

In general, it's been a good, though not very busy, spring break. I'm excited for next quarter to start because I'm looking forward to my classes and to seeing all my friends again. I'm such a social person that not having school is actually kind of hard for me sometimes. I need the interaction or I start getting really restless.