April 16th

Today is April 16th. It's the day of the semi-colon project, a day to be aware of our struggles, and commit ourselves to fighting on.

For me, it also represents a day of much personal importance. On April 16, 2010, my family moved out of my childhood home. That day was very painful for me, and later on, I labeled it as the day that "everything changed." From that point on, my parent's divorce led to more life changes, and my relationships with my parents changed drastically. My relationship with my father became a great source of pain and worry for me. I entered a time in my life where I was extremely depressed. For a period of two or three years, my grades in school dropped, my interest in social activities and other things I used to enjoy drastically diminished, and I spent a lot of time very anxious and very depressed, with no interest in involving myself with treatment of any kind.

Over time, this has gotten better, and right now my mental health is the best it's been since 2010. There are a lot of reasons for this, but among them: my relationship with my dad has improved greatly over the years, I have a large group of close friends I see regularly, I feel good about my plans for the future, I am in a stable and healthy romantic relationship, and I have been taking an antidepressant.

Throughout all this time, I have always held April 16th as kind of a day of mourning. It marked the anniversary not of the day that things started going downhill (that was several months prior), but it marked the point of no return. It's kind of a symbolic date more than anything. I decided, back in 2010, that it wasn't worthwhile focusing on the past. What's done is done. So I decided that the only day that I would allow myself to truly mope and be sad and feel sorry for myself, and cry about the past, was April 16th.

And as the years have gone by, it has still been a day, in a way, of mourning for the past, and recognition of the intense personal struggles I went through in the years following.

Today is April 16th. And I didn't even realize it until this evening. I spent the day with people I love, and I came home thinking that this was the happiest I could remember being in a very long time. I spent the day relaxing, free from worry, laughing, eating, being close to people I care about, and having a wonderful time. It wasn't until I got home that I even remembered what day it is.

To me, this really symbolizes the transformation my life has gone through over the past year or so. A day that would have been a day of sadness and melancholy a year or two ago was one of the best days I can remember having in years. I certainly don't want to forget my past or the struggles I've had, but life is moving forward. And it's wonderful.